Kaoru disappeared on the day the year's first snow fell on the gray city.
I should've realized somewhere along the line...
But... I just couldn't change the flow of events...
Let's go somewhere warm for a while.
Let's eat some good food, stare out at the ocean, and relax.
No way.
I can tell... you...
You look like you're thinking, "Ah, I'm finally free of my responsibilities."
Am I right?
You tagged along with me because you had to.
Even though you disobeyed Dad's instructions...
Dad said it, didn't he?
To head towards the light.
You could see it, couldn't you?
But I couldn't see the light.
I couldn't even tell where it was coming from.
It's impossible.
There's no point in being told by someone talented like you.
I don't have anything.
Dad only cared about you until the very end...
I wonder what it would've been like, to be like you...
Shiroyama-san, I... Was I mistaken?
Exacting revenge isn't suited for someone with imagination.
Besides, Kaoru-sama is kind to a fault.
He receives back all the damage he gives.
If something were to happen to Kaoru, I...
It's all right.
Didn't I just say it?
Kaoru-sama has a gifted imagination.
On top of that, he's very smart and has an annoyingly sharp memory.
Like I said, when we ate natto together at Shiroyama's parents' house!
The combinations of Matsuda-san's efforts all these years in Chicago...
All the effort we put forth for the past twenty years...
And above all, the image of you, who loved and stayed with him for all these years...
...must be filling his head and preventing him from harming himself.
Sorry, can you leave her alone for a while?
Is she not feeling well?
Well, actually...
Hagu!
Hagu, does it hurt?
Do you want to take some painkillers?
It's okay, I can handle it.
If I take them, I won't be able to tell.
If the pain doesn't come back to my hand, it means that my nerves haven't reconnected, right?
In that case, I need to go back to surgery as soon as possible, right?
That's why, for now...
Hagu-chan...
S-Shuu-chan...
What's the matter, Hagu?
It's back...
The pain...
It's here.
My hand... it's all right.
It's connected.
My hand...
I'm so glad...
Hagu!
Hagu-chan!
So, she hasn't slept at all since then?
Yeah, I've told Hagu everything.
I also had the doctor give her an overview.
If the nerves don't reconnect...
...a second surgery would be performed as soon as possible...
...since neurology is a race against time.
That's why Hagu was desperately searching...
...amidst all the pain from her other wounds.
Just to feel the sensation from her right hand...
She rejected all painkillers and stabilizers...
She even refused to sleep...
All so she can keep searching in the darkness.
Hagu-chan is amazing...
To be honest...
Both Yamada-san and I were overwhelmed...
...by her inner strength...
...and by her strong will that's capable of repressing the pain.
From this point on is the crucial stage.
Everything after this will depend on her rehabilitation.
Knowing Hagu, she'll never give up until she regains movement.
There are apparently cases where rehab won't bring back sensation to your fingers.
Whether she'll be able to draw with a brush like before...
She might have to live with numbness and other sensory disabilities for the rest of her life.
Her efforts alone may not be enough.
But if she doesn't try, she'll lose it all for sure.
God, please save her...
What's this?
You're finally getting a cellphone, Yamada-san?
Nomiya-san...
I see.
So you were looking at cellphones...
I want to be able to help out in any way possible...
...so I thought it would be better if I had one.
But I honestly don't know.
Is there really anything someone like me could do for her?
This might sound cliche, but I truly realized that we live in different worlds.
Yeah, that's true.
Everyone probably thinks that.
And everyone will distance themselves from her...
All saying, "There probably isn't anything I can do for her."
And before you know it, she's all alone.
She's probably stressed out right now on whether or not her hand will move again...
...but she'll probably suffer the most during the rehab that's coming up.
Yamada-san, you should stay.
You need to stay with her.
You're her friend, aren't you?
Yeah.
Thank you, Nomiya-san.
Sheesh... what a troublesome girl.
Oh, crap, they heard me!
U-Um... well..
I was saying something childish like "You're her friend, aren't you?"...
What I meant was...
...even though I'm already over thirty.
They'll never let me live this down as long as I live...
...like, what am I gonna do?!
Nomiya, good job!
Ah, Miwako-san. Please don't cry!
Huh?
Friends, huh? It gets me every time... Just hearing it brings tears to my eyes.
I can sympathize. When you're our age, a lot of things become more complicated.
All your friends start to become estranged...
That's not true! I'm here for you, Yamazaki!
M-Miwako-san!
We'll be friends forever!
It's all right
Friends forever!
Oh no, Yamazaki-san!
We're going to prove that there are friendships that stand the test of adulthood!
Oh, this is fun stuff! Ruff!
S-S-Sis, please stop already...
Friends! Friends!
I'd always felt it.
Even though she'd be in front of me, it felt like she was looking into a different world.
She's here now, but someday she'll float far away.
But...
You're her friend, aren't you?
Hagu-chan!
Ayu...
How is it? It's a little too lumpy, I guess.
It's warm.
It's so that your back and shoulders won't get cold when you sit up.
It's got down in it, so it's light, huh?
Let's make you a better pillow to rest your arm on, too.
You could use a cuter one.
Oh, and I brought some grapes as well.
The Red Grove, the non-peel kind that you like.
Um, there's that, books, and MDs...
Ayu, you have a feather in your hair.
On your sweater, too.
Oh, man! I thought I got them all before I left home.
Actually, I made that cape using my Dad's old down jacket.
The room got filled with feathers, it was such a mess!
I just cut right into it with scissors, and the down all came flying out.
It was so bad, it took me two hours to clean up.
Ayu, there's a bunch more on your back.
Aw... man, no way! Can you get them off?
Oh, why me?
You don't need to get them off.
Hagu-chan?
I mean...
I mean, you look just like an angel.
Thank you.
Thank you, Ayu.
I'll come again at 2 P.M. tomorrow.
Thank you very much, Dr. Satsuki.
The shock seems to have been a little too much.
Yes...
Hanamoto-san?
Are you listening, Hanamoto-san?
Oh, yes.
Hagumi-san's upper body is getting stiff.
Like I mentioned yesterday, please massage her shoulders and upper arm, taking care to avoid her wound.
All you have to do is gently give her a rub.
The aim here is to get her to relax.
Let's take things steadily and optimistically.
Yes.
Thank you very much.
E-Expensive...
Flowers sure are expensive...
This little thing is 300 yen?
If 1,000 yen will only get me three...
...how much would it cost me to get a bouquet?
Takemoto-kun...
Y-Yamada-san!
For Hagu-chan?
Ah, well, I thought flowers might be nice...
But...
Takemoto-kun...
Wanna go somewhere nice?
Yamada-san, is this that "somewhere nice"?
Yep, this is it.
There are plenty of flowers here!
You can pick all you want!
We'll tell her that we picked them ourselves!
I'm sure she'll be happier that way.
All right!
Here you go, Hagu-chan.
I'm so happy.
They're freshly picked.
We got them on the embankment by the train tracks.
The stonecrop was actually the biggest and cutest, but it had too much pollen, so we skipped it.
Hagu-chan?
No way... She doesn't have any sensation...
In her fingertips? Can such a thing...
Her rehab has just began.
Plus, I hear that there are many who started where Hagu is and ultimately regained the sensation in their fingers.
But...
Yamada-san, there's no rushing or giving up.
That applies to the three of us as well.
If the people watching over start to waver, the person who's drowning won't have anyone to grab onto.
So with that said, let's all set our own bases...
Aren't you supposed to man the store on Wednesdays?!
And Takemoto! Get cracking on your senior thesis!
Haven't you two been coming every day lately?
I'm thankful, but you can't neglect your personal lives.
Sensei...
What is it?
The person who was here last night... Was that Hagu-chan's father?
That's right.
I could tell from what I saw last night and Sensei's expression just now.
I see...
That the place she was supposed to be able to return to isn't the same anymore.
I know.
It's not anyone's fault.
We're all just trying our best to live our lives.
But God, why must all of this happen at once?
At this rate, she won't be able to take much more.
She...
Bruises that looked like red flowers started appearing on Hagu-chan's left hand.
The stress is causing her to bite herself.
But after a while, those bruises moved to Sensei's wrist.
The person who's drowning won't have anyone to grab onto.
Sensei was so composed, it was scary.
For Hagu-chan's sake, he must've sworn not to waver no matter what.
I got a fax from Shin-san yesterday.
To Takemoto-kun: Greetings, we're now working in Morioka. Regarding your job, we'd like for you to join us around mid-April.
Their new work is in Morioka, and they'd like me to join them by mid-April.
The day for us to part is drawing ever closer.
Are we really just going to drift apart?
Am I going to leave her while she's like this?
I should forget about Morioka and stay in Tokyo.
Or not.
What am I thinking?
What am I going to do if I don't take this job?
What is a life for?
Isn't it so you can be there to tightly grip the hand of someone close to you at a time like this?
That's right.
I should quit and stay by her side.
I can encourage her through rehab.
To make time to care for her, I can just choose a part-time job that allows me a flexible schedule.
Like a janitor, road construction worker, or late-night convenience stock clerk.
But wait...
Could I live alone in Tokyo on an income like that?
Right now, I'm living off of money sent from home and my part-time job.
It's obvious, but I'll have to become independent once I graduate.
No, I'll be all right if I work as much as possible.
I can make a living if I'm not wasteful.
But... if I work that much, I won't have the time to care for Hagu-chan.
And in the first place, what am I going to do once she gets better?
What if, after my family helped put me through this expensive art school...
...I fail to find a proper job, I don't have a steady job, and I'm already past thirty?
If that were to happen, wouldn't my very existence be a burden to her?
hajime kara sono tsumori de kimi wa ita no kamo nante You never were in love with me to begin with, I think...
I though back to Mayama-san's words...
If something were to happen to the woman I love...
sore nara sore de betsu ni ii ya I don't really care when I think about it.
...I want to have enough to be able to tell her, "Go ahead and take some time off."
ima sara tashikame you mo nai It's not like I can go back and check.
I've just now become truly aware of the meaning behind those words.
A man who can't even buy a tiny flower like that can't possibly save a girl whom he loves.
dare wo nikundara ii Who am I supposed to hate?
I'm making excuses to substitute for the real problem.
nani wo oshikoroseba ii What emotions am I supposed to hold back?
I say that I want to save her, but in reality, I just don't want to be apart from her.
te wo furazu ni satte iku hou wa boku yori kanashii no kanaa Was the person who left without a goodbye the sadder of the two?
nee ima boku no mune wa haritsumete shimau bakari de Hey, all my heart can do now is hurt.
tada namida dake ga darashi naku ochiru no desu I'm just crying here pathetically.
kanashimi wa nami no you ni nando mo kurikaesurashii I hear sorrow repeats over and over like the waves.
warui tsume wo hagu toki mitai ni itsuka yukkuri hagarete iku no kanaa I wonder if it'll grow out on its own like a damaged fingernail?
arifurete iru kimochi nante sa
It would be so much easier...
nanimo iwazu ni isso kieteshimaeba
...if these stale emotions...
raku ni nareru no ni
...could just disappear without a word.
sorezore no michi wo yuku sono wakaremichi
At the crossroads where we split ways...
mou nidoto au koto no nai deai wa kanashisugiru
...it saddens me to think we may never meet again.
tarinai kimochi wo mochiyotte
Despite adding the emotions that are lacking...
atatameta saki kara hieteitte
...things cool off just as soon as I warm them...
sonna hazu naitte shinjiteru
...but I still don't want to believe.
ittai itsumade onaji kotoba wo kakaekondenda
Just how long am I going to brood over the same word?
kakekondenda
How long...?
Next episode: Once, when I was little, I saw God.